God's Plan is Good

It has been a busy week. I logged an incredibly large number of hours this week!!! I have been working, working, working.... all squeezed in around my children and family and our lives.

While my job has its issues it does have its benefits. A large number of my hours are from home. I work in my office, in my sweats with no makeup on and hair in a pony. My work hours take place while my kids are at school and I appreciate the set up. I drop my kids off at school every day and I pick them up everyday (usually). I have a lot of freedom and I like working in my sweats.

Sometimes I do need to venture out of the house and then it becomes more challenging. Its difficult to get anywhere, fit in a decent number of work hours and then get back before school is out. But so far it has worked out. And fortunately now my position on the career ladder has changed and my pay is higher and I get paid for travel time which makes life easier.

I knew that when I had my children I would be a stay at home mom for as long as I could. When I was pregnant the first time, I had a research position at SFU and was on track for a graduate degree. I told my research team that I was pregnant and would be leaving permanently when I left. They kept asking when I would return from mat leave and I kept saying never. It took them awhile to get it. Banana and Gorilla are close in age. I had intended to have them 3 years apart but God had other plans so we went with 19 months apart. In the end, as always, God's plan was best. It always is.

God called me to this job through a series of events. My role started off small with being able to work part time while Gorilla was in preschool and Banana was in K. I was an at home mom when they were at home and at work while they were at school. I juggled this fairly well until the year Gorilla was in K and Banana in Gr. 1 and then I took on too much and overworked myself for 2 years. Classic Magnificent M. Somewhere during that overworked phase I decided to get my Masters in Science just for fun... ha ha ha.

This was not such a great working time. But I learned a lot and I am still learning. I am still not always juggling as well as I could... see post about pervasive rot... but the potential is there. I didn't work at all today and that is a good thing.

There have been a handful of times when my fellow sisters have made comments to me about my choice to work. Some of my "sisters" seem to feel that in order to be a good mom, I should be at home all day... although my children are not... I've never quite understood how this is damaging for them?! There are times when I can't attend every soccer game, or my kitchen is a mess or have had our babysitter take the kids to an activity etc and sometimes those women make negative comments about my choice to do this. I am always struck by the way we women are so determined to bring each other down instead of supporting one another - but we all do it don't we? We try not to but it creeps in sometimes.

I have great respect for women who work in the home. I was a stay at home mom until my kids were in school. It is hard work! For most of my career, I have worked during the times they were in school and not home. Sometimes these comments make me feel as though I am failing. When I feel this way, I initially get irritated but then I stop and reflect and pray. My life is very unique in that the issues in our home are different and those mom's who disagree with my choices have never walked a mile in my shoes. They don't know the private moments that have brought us to where we are. I won't blog about those issues, they are very private but most of you know my story anyways. But I know in my heart that the work I do is God's work. He has brought it to me so many times. The problem lies in my ability to control my work load. The excess is not his plan... I have to learn the balancing act.

I do love my job, its just stressful sometimes. There can be a lot of pressure and a lot of "focus". There is a lot at stake and I am learning a lot. I am also being evaluated right now and am out of my comfort zone so that stresses me out. I don't like to make mistakes... I don't mean that in a competitive way... I judge myself against myself! I am my worst critic I think. But I love my job. I have the privelege of watching miracles take place every single day. I feel like my job is God's work and that the talents I have are God Given gifts to change the lives of a few individuals for the better. I have changed the lives of many people through the gifts that the Lord gave. He has used moments in my life to give me tools to minister to others, to help those in need and to have an impact. I am inspired by my work. I find strength in my work. The children I work with have taught me some of the most important lessons I have ever learned, lessons about courage, strenght, perserverance and overcoming obstacles. I feel very fortunate that they have included me in their lives and I love each of them very much. I am rich with blessings: I have loved so many and have been loved by many of the purest, sweetest little hearts, I have seen mircacles and have been a tool in those miracles and I have seen pain and sorrow transform into joy and happiness. God's plan is GOOD!