Betrayal

Circumstances once put me in a place that I despised, that I did not choose, but I have learned was my place to be and where I learned many lessons. The first lesson was that miracles are the works of God, not the works of man, yet it is easy for some to take credit in the Lord's work and fall prey to conceit. No matter how faithful we think we are, it happens to almost all of us from time to time. Well No one, regardless of how faithful they are, is safe from falling prey to evil from time to time. Hence the need for salvation I suppose.

The second lesson I learned is one of compassion regardless of understanding. We can never really understand the reactions, the actions and the lives of someone else because we will never fully experience their footsteps for it is theirs alone to experience. I have walked a path that is unique and have been judged many times while on that walk by those who have said my choices were wrong, my feelings were incorrect and that my reactions were not what they should have been. My judges have not walked my path and they do not know the details of those moments, they base their judgements on assumptions that they would have performed differently. That said, none of us can claim that we have never played the role of judge. As I have been judged, I have found myself judging. I have felt the pain of judgement by others but at times I have somehow found myself casting the first stone as well. I am not proud of those moments. While God shines a light to guide our path, at times the breath of Evil can be felt on the back of our necks.

The circumstances that at the time I despised allowed me to experience compassion, love, acceptance and the miraculous power of prayer - those were good lessons in my life! Those same circumstances also taught me a third lesson, the need for boundaries. I suppose that any time we rely on the kindness and compassion of others we open ourselves to the risk of betrayal, conceit and mistruths. I must admit, I opened up my heart to people and some of those people accepted and loved me for who I was but I also opened up my heart to others who abused that. To some I think I opened too far and I regret that. Was that His intention or was that when I strayed from His word? Regardless, He uses these moments to teach, I hope that I have learned. Despite the pain of those betrayals, I can honestly say that those lessons were also good lessons. Without a doubt those moments have changed me.

It is easy to say that someone has wronged you and that it has caused you pain but as adults we also need to see that events do not occur in a vacuum. Although I have been wronged at times, I have played a role in those actions as well. Perhaps I allowed a boundary to be crossed or perhaps I am the one who initially took down that fence. Perhaps the wrong directed at me is part of a reaction to something that I did to the other, whether accidentally or unknowingly or not. Perhaps I simply allowed Evil to chart me off course. It can be difficult to see our own actions accurately. As sinners we all accept that not only do we suffer at the hands of others, but we bring suffering to others. We mean well (most of the time) but sometimes our acts fall short of our intentions. Regardless of our circumstances, regardless of our life events, we are all sinners and we all fall short of the glory of God. Each one of us has likely experienced betrayal but we have also betrayed.

Musings aside, for me this raises the question of when should we attempt to resolve these conflicts and betrayals? How often do we turn the other cheek before there is no cheek left to turn? How do we know when it is safe to trust someone? What do we do when someone has taken an event, twisted it and made it into something so different from our reality? How do we resolve the view of others when our view of events is so different? Where does blame lie and where is acceptance in conflict? What course of action do we take when someone spreads mistruths that relate to us? Too many questions and I know that there are no simple answers. At tonight's sermon we closed shortly after reviewing Galatians 6:5 which tells us that "For we are each responsible for our own conduct" and I suppose this brings a partial answer to these questions. But I would be interested in hearing from those few who read my blog as to what your thoughts are on these issues. What verses do you reflect on when you face conflict? What helps you survive?