9/11 2006

I have been fortunate in my life that I haven’t lost too many loved ones… yet. I have experienced tragedy, trauma and sadness but I have few experiences with death. When I was 5 my grandpa died but I didn’t understand what was going on. A few years ago I lost both of my grandmothers in one week. Last year a woman that I had been good friends with but who had faded out of my life, died. She died from cancer and it was sudden and horrible and she left behind a young child and a devoted husband and other family. In the span of that week, three women we knew died from cancer, leaving behind families and lives. Death can be so hard to grasp.

Five years ago a tragedy happened that is beyond my ability to understand. I do not know what it is like to lose a child or a spouse but I can imagine. Death and war go hand in hand regardless of whether that death is felt by our neighbors, or by those who live across the oceans. I have read the stories of families who have been forever changed by 9/11 and I have thought “what if that was my husband…” and just that moment of pain knocks my breath away. I hope I never know what that pain is really like.

Five years ago I was setting up my bike for a spinning class at the gym when I heard the other women talking about it. I had no idea what had happened. When I got home I saw the pictures and my heart lept into my throat! A friend of mine had just moved to Manhattan and I worried about her. I worried about the men and women trapped in that building and I cried when I read about those who chose to jump to their death. How it must pain God to see the things we do to one another. How Jesus must have ached when he foresaw all of the sins he would bear for us.