Pervasive rot

Hmmm, okay I am back to regular programming here... and the last few days have been filled with root rot.

Sometimes life seems very stressful and I'm not sure how to fix that. If anyone tells me "you just need to stop doing ____" I will scream. Loudly. Possibly in your ear. LOL!

Why rot... its not that I am ungrateful. I have a wonderful life. We have a good home, there is food on the table, I have a great family and I don't "need" anything. Want yes, need no.

What I do have lots of is stress. Deadlines, expectations, guilt and stress. I recently started a new job which is challenging. Its not like when you start a similar job at a new location, its like reinventing everything you know how to do. Suddenly I am in charge of the lives of those who can not always speak for themselves. Suddenly their futures lie in my very unsteady hands. My supervisor/trainer/mentor extroidinaire is amazing. Actually I have two of those and they are both amazing but I have just started with #2 and so that stress is just beginning. But #1 is mindblowingly awesome and I have to work my toosh off to keep up with her. Its a good challenge but at the same time it would be a lot easier if I didn't have so many other things on the plate. I am constantly behind, constantly have a huge to do list and constantly unable to think clearly about what needs to be done next. I have to keep paper and pen with me at all times because while I am for example making muffins, a million and one things that "MUST" get done are popping into my head and if I don't write them down they disappear into the abyss that is my overcrowded brain.

Yesterday my husband threw out said list. That was an ugly moment. We do not have the same type of brain and he doesn't get my need for the "list" and so he determined it garbage and poof my brain went into the trash. That moment was like a snail on your prized head of lettuce... sickening.

so work is great and sucky at the same time. I love what I do but lets say its not for the faint at heart. I knew it would be like this... sort of... so frankly its my own fault... you can't ever slack off, the pressure is tremendous and you are never done.

Add to this the fact that we just moved which is expensive and the to do list on the house is tremendous. The grass is a disaster which normally might not phase me but you should see my neighbors! They all seem to have perfectly manicured lawns. We are the black sheep on the street. Well I take that back there is one house worse than us and everyone has stories about how irritated they are with those folks. Ay yi yi. Every time I walk past my shameful garden I hang my head. Some seroius times is required. Ya, cuz I've got that! Who needs sleep? maybe I could garden at 3:00 am.?

And then there is simple family stress. Scheduling for summer, arranging childcare/daycamps, training a new person, trying to find time with my kids, trying to keep up with the academic tutoring I do with my son (which has seriously slipped since the move), keeping up with the housecleaning (egads!), getting things unpacked (we moved 2 months ago for pete's sake and our house looks vacant!!) and trying to find a wee bit of time for myself...

I dunno. something's gotta give.

this morning I got up, made the kids breakfast (cereal - how exotic), showered, dressed (the world breathes a collective sigh of relief) and then began to pack their bags only to find that there is homework, paperwork needing signatures, paperwork needing to be replaced requiring re-start of computer, printing and hole punching, lunches to pack (thank heavens for blueberry muffins made yesterday), a lost wristband that needs me to search for it but is not found so replacement is needed instead and a son who has technically brushed his beautiful longish hair but looks like he has not. I ask Banana to brush Gorilla's mop, she does but Gorilla, being Gorilla, protests and is rude about it. Banana being bossy (ahhh, apple of my eye) argues back and the two go at it. No big deal but for this camel with so much straw on the back, it is too much. I very irritatingly say "Knock it off" which of course is not helpful and a few moments the arguing continues and I then say "that is ENOUGH". Yes I was officially disbarred from mommy of the year club then. Actually I was likely removed many moons ago.

This turns into my trying to explain the idiom of the straw that broke the camel's back in the car. I ask if they know what this means and Banana so eloquently says "it means that when you are frustrated you get crabby". Thank goodness for sunglasses because that straw not only broke the camel's back a second time but broke her neck and vital organs. Tears welled up. Although it is not the actual translation of that idiom it is accurate.

Mommy is crabby and that means that mommy is stressed.

Maybe its not actually rot, maybe its just an aphid infestation... gnawing away at my stalk. Yesterday I had to go back to the doctor's about the tonsils. They feel a bit better today but yesterday were not good. The doctor has asked I go for bloodwork. I was supposed to go today but frankly, I forgot because I had to write some programs and then had a 2 hour conference call, a son with a "headache" which I suspect is real so I am treating with "medicine" othrwise known as chewable vitamin c's which I had to drive to the school and then some work and emails to attend to and now it is time to go pick up the kids so I can bring them home, make a snack and then take them to Banana's ballet class, do some tutoring with Gorilla, make a rushed dinner and then take Gorilla to football.

Shoo crazy aphids, shoo.